Archive for June, 2008

What’s with the Peas? Seriously.

The food here cracks me up. I haven’t been out enough to get too many of them – but some of the terms and dishes really amuse me. Here’s what i have learned so far ~

Chips are fries, crisps are chips, fries refer only to the big chunky potato wedges. Pudding refers to any dessert really, but is often “PUD” on a menu. it took me a few times out to get up the nerve to ask a dining companion what a “pud” is – but of course i said “pud” like an an american would – rhyming with “mud”… nice. It’s really “pud” like “wood”. Jeez. Cookies are biscuits. Mayonnaise is EVERYWHERE. And on every single menu i have seen in any restaurant so far you can get a pea something… mushy peas that look like a bright green baby food, pea soup, pea risotto, mixed veggies – always includes peas! Got to love those peas. I think it’s pretty funny.

The other thing that is going to take some getting used to is undertaking “the pints”… my GOD. big, giant beers and it’s expected that you just keep them coming. I was out for drinks with some colleagues last friday and i guess i thought i was pretty cool by saying “i’ll have what you’re having”…  turns out i ordered myself up a Guiness. Yikes. i think i was drunk for three days just from that one pint. haha.

Let’s just say that it’s probably a REALLY GOOD THING i have a fair walk to and from the train station every day – otherwise i’d be belly up to the bar ordering pints, thinking i’m super cool but too drunk (or “pissed” over here) to move and turning myself into a massive sack of donuts. :-)

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You are being detained.

the only thing they didn\'t request was the medical exam... thank goodness

Is anyone keeping score?

People say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… by now i’m wondering if i’m going to make it through the month… and also wondering if all my bad karma has come back for revenge all at once. I have to laugh about the big picture of it all – i couldn’t make this stuff up if i tried. Since i have taken this job in the UK:

  • i have sold my car to someone who is taking it to Russia (and it didn’t strike me as a completely legit situation)
  • nearly impossible time getting out of my lease
  • almost got taken by some internet scammer with an armoire i was trying to sell. massive isssues with my bank and hey guess what? the police came over to file the report (thanks for reminding me sasha :-) )
  • had to get foot surgery – to remove a tiny eraser sized bump from my heel. never in my wildest dreams did i think this thing would require surgery. i thought he could just lop it off. no such luck… three weeks between full-on crutches and a walking boot.
  • pretty much abandoned my two cats (temporarily, but still)
  • got stuck in a downpour without an umbrella, lost on the tube and got so hot from running around that i was literally steaming as i walked down the street
  • fell down and ripped my hand and arm apart my first day at work… and…. drumroll please…
  • now i can add “got deported” to my list of neat things i’ve done in my life.

Keeping it as short as possible: I’m in the UK, take a side trip to Germany before i go to the US for an Advisory Board Summit. Retuning to UK from Germany one needs to go through Immigration. No big deal, right? I have my shiny new work permit. I’m good to go, right? Apparently not. The Immigration officer asked for my Visa. So i handed him my work permit. Negative. Where’s the visa? What’s a visa (let’s you in on how skilled i am as an international traveller)?

 

I get detained for a couple hours in a special room (i like to think it’s a cell for immigration fugitive criminals J) while my fate is decided. The most likely result will be holding me overnight until i can get on a flight to the US – let me add that all i have is a small carry-on because i’ve only been in Germany for two days. Immigration officer has lots of questions:

Where do you live? How long have you lived there? Rent or own?

Windsor. Two weeks. Rent.

OK, you are illegally residing in the UK.

(great L)

Where do  you work? How long have you worked there? Are you paid out of the States or the UK?

Quest Software. In total, 5+ years; current position, 2 weeks. As of June 1, paid in the UK.

So what you’re saying is that you have lived here and worked here illegally for 10 days .

(trying to make light of a GRIM situation) Uh oh. Maybe i should stop answering your questions. J

I am unable to let you pass through. Please sit here for a LONG time while i speak with the manager.

So, it’s pretty black and white i guess. No credentials, no entry, no exceptions.

So, how did i get a hall pass to go to the apartment and pack a bag? No clue, really. Maybe he felt sorry for me – but he’s pretty clear – i am to return to the airport for my scheduled flight out the next day and i’d better be on that plane AND i can’t come back to the UK until i have a proper visa.

I fly to LA, run around for 3 days getting forms, fingerprints, mug shot, visa appointment, pay for Visa from my checking account because they don’t take amex (grrrr.), random “fast-tracker consultant” to help expedite – all the while driving back and forth from OC to LA, meeting friends for breakfast/lunch/dinner, visiting my cats who don’t love me as much anymore because i abandoned them and somewhere in there trying to get everything together for that Advisory Board (the REAL reason i was in the US in the first place).

Whew… so, at least this part of my story has a happy ending: i got my visa and after 11 hours on a plane wondering if they’re going to let me in – i’m back in the UK (can’t get rid of me that easily).

And i’m not dead, so i must be just a little bit stronger. J

 

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Here’s to an injury free weekend ~

Weather Report in Windsor over the weekend – hot and sunny, even by california standards. Played tourist and went to Windsor Castle. I figure i have to get all that in before it becomes ‘uncool’… then ate out at one of the cafes, by myself (huge for me – i don’t like socializing alone). Met a fellow from Italy. He gave me the number to a cheap (for UK) taxi – NICE!

Found that rental prices in Windsor generally seem to be less than London – that doesn’t mean anything really at this point… i’d have to contend with  the giant aircraft buzzing my roof every three minutes nearly around the clock if i chose to live in Windsor. They are so low that i can practically see the faces of the passengers! Yeah, i don’t love that.

In Germany today – was so worried that i wouldn’t wake up to my alarm that i woke up at 4, 5, and 6 a.m. – so of course i’m not tired or anything. I’ve been busted a couple of times by some of you in the US on the hours i’m on email. I don’t know if it’s insomnia, jet-lag, paranoia…

The sales team here is taking me to a soccer game tomorrow – i’m really looking forward to that. I haven’t ever been to one in person… well, at least not one where professionals are playing.

OK – off to dinner!

See ya!
H

 

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Hi, nice to meet you. What’s your name?

Hi Heather. How are you enjoying your move to the UK? 

Very well, thank you. Everyone has been fantastic – I’m sorry, i didn’t catch your name…

Simon.

Hi Simon, nice to meet you.

(guy next to him says “heather, this is THE simon”)

So sorry… (embarrassed)… you’re THAT simon. Simon Pearce. Nice to meet you.

** sheesh. Good thing i said all is well, eh?

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tink. tink. tink… is this thing on?

view from the living room window

All right then – a blog. This is so far removed from anything i thought i would be doing EVER, but then again, i never thought i’d really live anywhere besides California. Cheers to trying new things i guess. Billy – thank you for steering me in the right direction to get this thing going. I guarantee you i would not have figured it out myself.

So, after sending various emails to different friends and family members – i have to agree this will be easier. But, to those of you who were getting my most “colorful” emails… sorry, but i’m going to have to keep this PC. :-)

Redundant to what most of you already know to this point, here’s a quick recap of my first week in the UK:

Saturday, May 31: I arrived last Saturday afternoon with my nearly 200lbs of luggage. When i finally got to the rental apartment i’m staying in for the first couple months i was very dismayed to see that my particular residence was on the third floor of a walkup… with very narrow steep stairs no less. I believe i lost at least 5 pounds schlepping those bags up. Note to self – no more big bags. no additional shopping.

Looked around the apartment. very cute. nice view. out the front bedroom window i can see a pub on the corner. Nice. Got cleaned up and spent a good 10 minutes looking for an electrical outlet in the bathroom. you have GOT to be kidding me! I was desperate. down on my hands and knees scouring the floorboards, behind the toilet, the ceiling (well, you never know!)… nothing. Where do the British dry their hair?… Apparently in the bedroom, far away from the closest mirror and leaning to the left as far as the hairdryer cord will extend so one can even see one’s head. The result? Let’s just say i have yet to have a good hair day. Someone i know likes to call me “Fraggle”… i’m thinking he might be right.

Sunday, June 1: woke up at 2 in the afternoon. Once i got myself together i set off to explore Windsor. It’s a really adorable little town. Tons of great shops and restaurants – if my jaw wasn’t permanently on the floor due to sticker shock, that’s where you would be able to find me from open to close! I’m afraid to buy socks, let alone anything significant.

There’s a great little park – Alexandra Gardens – that i walked around for a little while. Watched some lawn bowling, some kids playing ball. Good stuff. Stopped to eat. walked home, but not before i stopped in a public bathroom to swipe a roll of toilet paper… why did i need to do this? no TP in the apartment when i arrived and apparently the entire country shuts down at 5 p.m. on sundays and if you are on the hunt to purchase bathroom tissue like a respectable person, you’re out of luck and reduced to common thievery just to get by.

Today is also my dad’s birthday. Happy Birthday Dad!

Monday, June 2: First day to the office. OK, so i knew i needed to take a train. What i didn’t really realize was that i needed to get to the train… about 3/4 mile… get on the train… ride a little bit… get off the train and find another train…. wait for the next train… wait…. wait…. wait…. get on the second train… go… stop… go…. stop… go… stop (this is going to take FOREVER!)… get off train. Look for shuttle. (there is supposed to be a shuttle that goes straight to the Quest office. Where the heck is it? finally a taxi driver tells me. Nice fellow. the shuttle experience is not one you should consider if you have recently eaten or don’t have stellar balance. you’d think you’re in some kind of race. Well, an hour and half after i left my apartment i finally arrive at the office. I’ll be honest. i don’t know how long i’ll be able to do this (and just WAIT until you get to tomorrow!). i feel completely naked without a car.

My first day in was good until about lunch time. everyone came over to say hello – helped me get settled. all was going quite well. Then, Tony Lapuerta and i are heading out to lunch. we get outside and are walking to his car and one second i’m a fully upright, functioning adult. the next second i’m laid out like a pancake with the most awful scrape on my arm and half the palm of my hand peeled off. Bleeding like crazy. Tony says i didn’t even stumble or anything. just went down like a tree. What a moron… i don’t feel ridiculous or anything. Tony takes me inside and bandages me up. Now i look like either i got in a fight and lost or i’m early for Halloween – and hey, i’m dressing up like a mummy. Great…. well, that was how i started my first day. Welcome to the UK and thank you for leaving your flesh on our sidewalk

Tuesday, June 3: Ah, today i’m going into the London office. Same 3/4 mile hike to the station, but now it’s pouring rain. Left my umbrella at the office so i look like a drowned rat by the time i get to the station. And, either i have lost 30 more pounds (remember, i’m claiming 5 pounds lost every time i do the stairs to my apartment) in less than 24 hours, OR…. my pants are soaked through and are now hanging on me like drapery, threatening to fall off. Anyway… back on the train – get a connection. Bad news. The train into London (about a 30 minute ride) doesn’t have any seats left. So, i’m standing there, dripping wet, doing everything i can to keep my balance… great. now i feel like i’m working out and getting all hot. I wouldn’t be surprised if steam starts coming off me. Sheesh. Well, i finally make it into Paddington station. from here i need to get on a subway – tube – BART… whatever. I just know i need the brown one. Once i find it, i claim small victory and get on… one stop, two stops… aw crap. i’m going the wrong direction. And oh yeah – still standing because all of london is going the same place as me and there ARE NO SEATS LEFT! I get off the tube, go up the stairs, across the landing, down the stairs to the opposite platfrom and get on the brown subway, heading the correct direction. One more change (and now i know to CHECK THE DIRECTION) so i arrive at my stop only 2 hours after i left the apartment. but i haven’t found the office yet. Great… i have the address. none of the construction workers i spoke with knew where it was. In the end, i found it with the help of a police man. it was only one block from the tube station, but i spent about 20 more minutes wandering around looking for it like an idiot.

Remember too, i have these two fresh massive scrapes on my left arm and hand, so i’m essentially doing everything one-handed. i don’t have a computer bag because i couldn’t fit it in my luggage, so i’m just carrying my computer and some folders out loose. This SUCKS.

Good thing we stayed for drinks after work. At around 10 p.m. (yeah, Happy Hour??  Note to self: Any time an English person says ‘let’s get a quick drink’ they really mean ‘let’s drink until we pass out and we’ll have potato chips for dinner and you’ll be just fine’) i was getting paranoid that i wouldn’t be able to find my way back to Windsor, so the party broke up around then. My colleagues that were with me were not going the same direction, so the one i like to call “Jaws”… he was introduced to me as “Jules” but even after asking him to repeat 3x, it still sounded like Jaws so Jaws it is!… he pointed me to platform 15 at a train station called “Waterloo”… let me just throw out that this is NOT the station or even the same train line that got me to london and the station it stops at in Windsor is not in the same place… so here i am on some random train at 10:30 p.m. headed to a town i’ve been in for three days ending up somewhere that i don’t know where to go when i get off the train. And, this thing stops EVERY THREE MINUTES. i think i could have walked back faster. we’re past 11:30 when i finally get off. no one is around. i have no clue where i am. ah, well. i probably look like a degenerate anyway – saggy clothes, no computer bag, fraggle hair, and a disoriented look on my face. I just started walking and eventually found someone who pointed me in the right direction and i got home around midnight.

Wednesday – today: Pretty “normal”… i guess… I seem to spend about 3 hours on average on trains or walking to trains or waiting for trains or shuttles every day. That bugs me. I’m going to have to get a little scooter or SOMETHING. The waiting, waiting, waiting… seems like a huge waste of time, and i am spending money hand over fist. Today, for example, i am in Maidenhead to get my Blackberry and then down to London in a bit to meet up with the team to talk more about marketing results for Q2 and begin planning for Q3…. and another what i’m going to start calling “happy hour” but really means going out all night. :-)  i have spent the equivalent of $50 just on trains and taxis – and i haven’t even made it in to london yet. Ouch. People keep telling me to stop doing the pound-to-dollar conversion in my head every time i pay for something… those people are right. i am just going to get on with it!

This weekend i’m just going to look around for places to live. For all of you who are going to visit me, i think you’ll have to come in 1s – i’ve seen what my money can afford and ’spacious’ is not a word that describes it. :-)

So far, my adventure has been fun. I’m in Germany the first part of next week, then off to the US for a week for an event. I don’t think i’ve here long enough to really figure out what i miss about home yet(aside from the people, my cats, what you get for the money and my SUV – i guess that’s a lot really), but i’ll find my way! The people here are great, everyone has been very helpful and friendly. so far, so good.

See ya,
H

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